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Showing posts from December, 2018

Dear St. Louis, The MLS Isn't Coming To Town (Because 'The MLS' Doesn't Exist)

We all have that one friend that butchers a particular word within a quote/phrase/song lyric/idiom, to the point our blood boils whenever it resurfaces. And I'm not even talking about grammatical mistakes like  there ,  their , and  they're  or the difference between affect  and  effect . Those go largely undetected in speech; only ever showing up as egregious typos in a text or email. No, I'm talking more about painful linguistic attacks on the ear drums.  These instances can be as innocuous as assigning a plural verb to a singular subject. I recently saw a commercial that aims to  dissuade Illinois residents from driving buzzed or drunk . Nothing to really joke about there. And I'll admit that the music, voice-over, and simulated car crash are powerful enough to command attention. If it happens to follow an ad that is frequently mocked in your household, this ominous 30 seconds certainly re-centers the tone in the room. Or at least it should. So what is wrong with me

I'm Sorry, Sacramento, Don Garber Can't Be With You... Right Now

In a memorable episode of  How I Met Your Mother ,   entitled "Hooked," there is a cliché score of sappy music that plays anytime a character is about to utter a phrase similar the headline of this piece. If you know the show as intimately as I do, it shouldn't take long to roll the clips back in your mind. Some will likely picture Lily speaking to a teacup pig. Most straight males are going straight for Carrie Underwood's cameo. For those of you who aren't as familiar, the premise is an easy one to grasp. It is a worn-out plot (both on television and in real life): An infatuated person is strung along because a protagonist can't bear to have a tough conversation.  He or she never intends to reciprocate any feelings that are above platonic. But each keeps the possibility of a romantic future on the table nevertheless. Timing is the easy scapegoat, hence the "right now" kicker. Darn these present circumstances that prevent this love from being fully