We all have that one friend that butchers a particular word within a quote/phrase/song lyric/idiom, to the point our blood boils whenever it resurfaces. And I'm not even talking about grammatical mistakes like there, their, and they're or the difference between affect and effect. Those go largely undetected in speech; only ever showing up as egregious typos in a text or email. No, I'm talking more about painful linguistic attacks on the ear drums. 

These instances can be as innocuous as assigning a plural verb to a singular subject. I recently saw a commercial that aims to dissuade Illinois residents from driving buzzed or drunk. Nothing to really joke about there. And I'll admit that the music, voice-over, and simulated car crash are powerful enough to command attention. If it happens to follow an ad that is frequently mocked in your household, this ominous 30 seconds certainly re-centers the tone in the room. Or at least it should. So what is wrong with me that I now …

In a memorable episode of How I Met Your Mother,entitled "Hooked," there is a cliché score of sappy music that plays anytime a character is about to utter a phrase similar the headline of this piece. If you know the show as intimately as I do, it shouldn't take long to roll the clips back in your mind. Some will likely picture Lily speaking to a teacup pig. Most straight males are going straight for Carrie Underwood's cameo. For those of you who aren't as familiar, the premise is an easy one to grasp. It is a worn-out plot (both on television and in real life): An infatuated person is strung along because a protagonist can't bear to have a tough conversation. 

He or she never intends to reciprocate any feelings that are above platonic. But each keeps the possibility of a romantic future on the table nevertheless. Timing is the easy scapegoat, hence the "right now" kicker. Darn those present circumstances that prevent this love from being fully expres…